(Set in a generic comedy club.)
Announcer: He’s a regular here at the Hilarium. Put your hands together for the comedy of Chazz Donovan!
(A slick, young, “happening” guy with a with a wacky, colorful, oversized comedian’s shirt is poised at the mic. His delivery is very cliched and completely over-rehearsed sounding.)
Hey, how you guys doin’ tonight? Feeling good? I feel great. I’ve been working out at the gym, ever since giving up that delivery job at Domino’s. Been pumping iron, goin’ to the steam room. Reminds me I gotta do my laundry. Hey, who’s got my missing socks? Maybe Socks the Cat has ‘em. What’s the story here -- we got Socks the Cat, the Catwoman, the Cat in the Hat . . . something’s wrong -- somebody call a doctor . . . Seuss! Thank you. The other day I went to the doctor. I waited three hours before they called me in. I tell ya’, it’s like being at the airport. Gate 1, Gate 12, Gate 37. Don’t tell me things aren’t nuts! Hey, what’s the deal with those salted nuts they give you on the plane? Fly the friendly skies . . . yeah right. Flying’s for the birds -- except if you’re a turkey. Had my whole family over for Thanksgiving dinner last time. Talk about stuffing! They can eat, I tell you. Especially my mom. How many moms do we have in the audi- ence tonight? Hey, we all have one, you know what I’m saying? One day I’d like to be a parent, but don’t tell that to my girlfriend! Dating’s tough enough as it is. A friend of mine went on Love Connection. Who remem- bers when Chuck Woolery was the host of Wheel of Fortune? Woo, what goes around comes around. Chuck, I’d like to buy a vowel please. C’mon will ya’? Next thing you know they’ll be selling vowels at the 7-11! 7-11, VH-1, 25 or 6 to 4, 90212, V-8 -- what am I a computer? Who needs the headaches? I still can’t stop my VCR from blinking 12 o’clock! Welcome to Earth, “the crazy planet”. No wonder those UFO’s never land. Beam me up Scotty! We got any Star Trek freaks here tonight? You people are even crazier than the Deadheads. What a long strange trip it’s been for all of you. You know where I’m coming from, and that’s where I’m goin’. You’ve been an outrageous audience. I’m outta here. Catch you later!